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Conversations With God
(AKA The AFC Championship)
by CJ Sanchez
18/1/2008
I’ve had several conversations with God in my lifetime. There have been a few philosophical ones, but for the most part, we just talk about sports. And specifically, the NFL.
He’s actually a pretty nice ethereal being really; he compliments my good deeds, steers me away from (most) fashion disasters and provides me with some excellent gambling tips. Once he even gave me both the 2005 and the 2006 Grand National winners. I couldn’t believe I’d had two winners in a row in a forty horse race! Of course, come 2007, I was vain and over-confident and the Lord taught me a lesson by smiting my horse at the second hurdle.
But I digress.
Recently I spoke to Him about this Sunday’s AFC Championship game between the San Diego Chargers and the New England Patriots. I wanted to know why so many people where writing off the Bolts and saying that the Pats getting to the Super Bowl was a ‘done deal’.
I would’ve thought the answer to that one was obvious my son. came His reply.
 Oh that whole 17-0 thing? Sure I understand that, but why would you ever write a team like the Chargers off in a game of this magnitude?
It’s kind of hard to argue God around to seeing your side of things, (especially when the chances are, he already knows the result) but I gave it my best shot.
I talked about the Chargers leading the league in turnovers with 30 interceptions (ten of them courtesy of the ‘Matrix Cornerback’, Antonio Cromartie) and 19 forced fumbles. I pointed out that the Bolts had an incredible pass rush which, led by Shawne Merriman and Shaun Phillips, had 42 sacks and were fifth in the NFL overall.
But perhaps the biggest defensive statistic I mentioned was the 119 league leading pass deflections that the Chargers had amassed. All these strengths must surely come into play against such a pass heavy offence as the Patriots shouldn’t they? And yet, he still wasn’t buying it.
Lies! Damn lies and statistics, he said, with a sly smile on his face.
Well ok let’s look at it another way I said LaDainian Tomlinson practiced with the Chargers yesterday so they are likely to have him back. LT has led the NFL in rushing for two years in a row and teams that can run the ball well, particularly in the second half, have performed well against the Pats. And the Bolts aren’t a one trick pony either, when it comes to the run game. Michael Turner and Darren Sproles both provide a great one-two punch option. And what about Phillip Rivers?
I think you’re reaching now, my son
 No, I mean between the rants about his right tackle’s footwork or the temperature of the Gatorade, Rivers has been playing some very good football. If he gets back in time from his sprained right knee, he’s sure to have another good game.
So what are you saying here? Do you think the Chargers are going to win this game?
Oh, heck no. The Patriots are far too good a team to lose to a banged up Bolts roster. Patriots 27- Chargers 24
Wha-? Then why are you hurling figures at me left right and centre?
I’m just saying, you know With all that they have going for them, how can anyone write San Diego off? This is the playoffs after all. Anything can happen!
Well, I can’t argue with that. And that’s why I created the NFL; so that the good people of Earth can spend hours and hours pouring over statistics and analysing numerous offensive and defensive scenarios, only to come to the conclusion that they don’t have a clue as to what’s actually going to happen.
Yeah. And we thank you for it Lord, from the bottom of our hearts. There is no greater league then the NFL.
Amen to that.
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