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How To Use Those Mini-Breaks In Play
by CJ Sanchez
26/3/2008
 Have you ever found yourself wondering what to do with all those ad breaks during a game? Do you find yourself unwittingly learning line for line an advert you can’t stand, simply because you’ve seen it so many times?
I do. If it’s not the endless repeats of dancing cheerleaders with a techno soundtrack, it’s the overplayed adverts for some of those lesser sports. Like ‘soccer’. Eww.
Well I have the answer for you. It’s time to reclaim those valuable unused seconds of your life and turn them into something productive. Use any one of my tips listed below (or use several of them at the same time) and get some of that wasted time back!
Give constant, thirty-second game updates to your partner who couldn’t care less about football, let alone who wins The good part of this plan is that, because the breaks are so short, you can be in and out of the room before said partner has a chance to complain. If you are swift enough, you can gradually impart your own commentary to him/her without suffering any backlash.
Perfect the 30-second toilet dash Thirty seconds may sound like plenty of time for a pitt stop, but it can be misleading. Whilst you’re whistling away the seconds on a comfort break, Peyton Manning could be calling an audible that irreversibly changes the game. You can’t afford to miss one single play in football, so make sure you’re ready.
Whilst the game is still in full flow, loosen your trousers in preparation. Keep your eyes glued to the set, but make sure the living room door is open and the path to the WC is clear. Stand near the door and as soon as the break begins, gather up your jeans and sprint for the throne. Do your business as fast as you can and then get back to the sofa post-haste. Don’t even wash your hands; you can do that in the next break.
 Watch an entire DVD This may entail some technical know-how and requires some pre-game preparation. Set up your DVD player with the disc set to play, but on the pause setting. Then simply switch to your AV channel every break and watch the entire DVD in 30 90 second segments. Be sure not to overrun by keeping a fierce eye on the counter; as soon as your time is up, press pause and get back to the game.
I have personally watched a large variety of films this way and trust me; it’s like a game in itself. Will you have enough breaks to get through a whole DVD? Only time and a quick hand will tell.
Get fit I bet you’re one of those people who’s always complaining that they ‘don’t have the time to work out’. Nonsense. You have a good couple of hours worth of mini-breaks in which to hone that physique. A good few push ups and sit ups of an evening can make all the difference. Challenge yourself; how many can you do in thirty-seconds?
And if you’re worried about stretching and not pulling muscles and blah blah blah, simply watch the whole game whilst on your feet doing a standing march. That’ll keep your body nice and warm and should prepare you for those short bursts of energetic activity. Come on, what have you got to lose? No pain, no gain
 Learn a new language Get yourself one of those mini-translation dictionaries and read out loud ten new words every break. Once you’ve gone through the entire tome, go back to the beginning and try to remember what each word meant. This may take some perseverance but next time you find yourself on two weeks vacation from blighty, you’ll be well prepared.
And FYI Aterrizaje is ‘Touchdown’ in Spanish. Well, technically it’s ‘Landing’ but what’s the difference? There you go, I’ve got you started.
So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of a four-hour ‘defensive-struggle’, with the punter being the key player, check back to this list and get started on your new mission.
Remember, life is only so long and being a football fan makes it that much shorter. Start getting that time back today!
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