|
Feature
I CAN’T FIND ANYONE TO LOVE;
THE ONGOING TRIALS OF A UK FOOTBALL PRINT MAGAZINE EDITOR
by Keith Bowden
7/9/2007
I am not sure if it is a problem related to Doggate, but I have found myself wallowing in an “I can’t find any reason to like anybody” malaise.
It occurred following my friend Craig’s return from a visit to his family in the States. He came back with gifts – a football duck for me, and the coolest/tackiest football handbag for the official FB&S; wife (she used it to keep her notes in on LAFFL Draft Day). He also bought me NFL Monopoly.
If you have not seen this – it is brilliant. Community Chest and Chance have been replaced by AFC and NFC cards; stations with 1st to 4th Downs; and hotels and houses with Locker Rooms and Stadiums.
But the best part is – it comes with team stickers, so you can decide which franchise is the Mayfair (or American equivalent) and who should be Old Kent Road. You can use 22 teams, and the stickers are removable so you can change your mind later.
This is when I realised that currently I do not really like anyone.
I went for my team – the Dallas Cowboys as the highest valued square. I choose them before I knew they were the team everyone else hated. As I remember it, they were one of the first teams on Channel 4 – and my mate asked me who I supported – so I went with them.
They are my team, but they come with reservations. They employed Terrell Owens, who has an attitude that has not endeared him to me, and has dropped balls.
He is, however, a close personal friend of the official FB&S; brother-in-law. Okay – “close” and “personal” are both a bit of an exaggeration. Paul (my b-in-l) was in Dallas on business last summer (which is a sore point to start with, as the furthest I have ever been sent on business is just outside Luton – and I live in Luton). Anyway Paul and his colleagues saw a TV van outside a Walmarts, and as there had been a shooting outside one of their stores the night before they thought it was connected to that. But no – the great TO was inside signing copies of his book. So Paul queued up and got me a signed copy. They exchanged a couple of words – none of which Paul can remember, but Owens probably still treasures and talks about them with his teammates. Having read the book I did defend him in an editorial, but after a couple of months on the Cowboys I decided that maybe his view of the world was not quite one I agreed with.
And the other Cowboy I still cannot get on with is Jerry Jones – he seems to want to run the league, and more often than not has personal interests at heart, rather than the collective on which the NFL successfully trades. (I am sure that collective is the right word – but I can imagine Roger Goodell as the Borg Queen).
So being a Cowboy fan – the three lowest valued properties were easy – the Eagles at $100 (I do like Andy Reid, but that eagle logo is just the wrong side of cheesy); the Giants at $60 (they are not even in New York); and the Redskins at the Old Kent Road square (bad nickname, last team to employ black players, Daniel Synder wants to buy success).
Now, I try to be positive – who do I like – which franchises can I make expensive? I cannot come up with teams – so I go back to the bottom – and fill out squares with sides my friends support to annoy them when they come to play – and for very good reasons.
So moving up in value from the bottom – Patriots (never really liked them, nobody from England should support a team named after the people who overthrew us – I am a republican, but for here…); Packers (think they are owed a lot); [miss a square – for reasons in a mo]; Bears (for the current ownership badly treating Ditka, and The Fridge); Vikings (dodgy purple uniforms).
That’s my friends covered, now for more pet hates – 49ers (too 49er-ish), Saints (did like them last year, but they were always really pitiful, and a bad non football nickname); Browns (for being shoddy since reintroduction); Bills (because Buffalo is the worst town I have visited in the States – I am sure it has its nice parts, but the bit I visited was disappointing and scary – although not as scary as Oakland); Steelers (because Cowher is not there anymore).
And it continued, I could not think of a reason to put the Texans, Falcons, Cardinals and others on my board.
I finally reverted to having the teams I went to see live (more for holiday destinations and availability of tickets, than support) as my top priced squares. At $350 the Jags, $320 the Bucs and $300 the Dolphins (and I do not really like them – because they were the clean lovelies of the 80s).
So there I was staring at my new toy – which had me full of joy before I sat down and thought about who should go where – and now I have decided I am miserable and I should be ashamed of myself because I have more hate in my heart than love.
Then it hits me – a little moving of the stickers – and I am chuckling again and all is right with the world. If you are counting “Go” as square one – then I have the perfect team for square 12. The Cincinnati Bengals. Why? It is next to the jail.
You see – football has funny ways of making you smile – and I decided I quite enjoyed finding petty reasons to dislike teams after all.
|
