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Feature
The Archers, Mornington Crescent and the NFL
by Keith Bowden
30/11/2007
Every off season I have compiled a yearbook for my fantasy league (the LAFFL) and this is where I started the habit of compiling odd facts. Strawbs and Fumbles (the official FB&S; Statistician monkeys) have continued this tradition, but now on a national scale.
A favourite is “LAFFL starters that share a name with…” We have completed this title with various examples like Actors who have played The Doctor on TV and Muppets. We always try to include Male Members of The Archers Family who currently live in Ambridge. In fact we did an NFL Archers version back in a 2007 off season FB&S.;
Now there have always been certain Archers well represented – for example David (LaFleur, Carr, Krieg etc) and Tony (Banks, Gonzalez, Romo etc), although only one Phil has turned up – Dawson. You could claim Rivers, but he is a Philip, and Phil is known as Phil, so the San Diego QB cannot count.
Phil Archer’s oldest son is called Kenton. He is the twin of Shula. Now how many Kentons and Shulas do you know?
But wait. Who was that the Keysoe Cops were starting in weeks 7 and 8? None other than Indy RB Kenton Keith.
Not only does that score in The Archers category, but also “LAFFL starters that share their surname with a LAFFL Head Coach’s first name or vice versa”. The latter only had one previous entry – we have a HC called Steve Brett.
Double joy – and monkey nuts all round in the LAFFL / FB&S; stats department.
Talking of radio institutions – have you seen I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue is back for a fiftieth series. Blimey! I had tickets for a recording of this series, but due to a clash with an exam I am sitting, I have given them to my dad, which is a pity for me, but good for him. Trent Dilfer, Cleo Lemon and Humphrey Lyttleton all in the same year … I think Humph and Dilfer share the same birth date.
I have been lucky enough to see a previous recording of the show – the sight of Stephen Fry desperately trying to put a swany whistle back together, as Colin Sell plays his introduction, is a highlight that I will always remember.
So as a (small) tribute to the venerable Antidote to Panel Games I thought I would share with you an e-mail event that took place on Thanksgiving 2007 – an NFL version of Mornington Crescent.
For those of you following this at home …
The moves have been changed to streets that NFL stadiums are on.
Mornington Crescent has been renamed Maddengton Crescent, after the legend that is John Madden.
The teams were Lynne (the official FB&S; wife) and her mum, Joan (the official FB&S; mother-in-law) versus Gary (my Australian based friend) and Craig (an American living over here). Lynne, Joan and Gary are all experienced Crescent players, but Craig is relatively new to this game. Because of Craig’s inexperience we decided to use the (NFL adapted) Standard Metropolitan Variation which keeps things as simple as possible by suspending Rule 2 and Prime Move Triangulations can be made only within a lateral orbit.
I, as the most experienced player, have taken the Chairman role, and will add an occasional commentary in italics for those of you who get a bit lost.
Joan and Lynne won the toss, and elected to kick-off.
Joan: Dan Marino Boulevard.
A traditional, if obvious, opening.
Gary: South Capitol Avenue, Indianapolis.
Lynne: Bills Drive.
Craig: Convention Plaza, St Louis.
Joan: Arrowhead Drive.
Gary: Airport Freeway, Dallas.
See the clever melding there.
Lynne: Museum Campus Drive, Chicago.
Good move … using the experience of having visited this stadium. A more inexperienced player may have been tempted to use Art Rooney Avenue.
Craig: Art Rooney Avenue.
Told you.
Joan: Bryant Street, Denver.
Controversy broke here. Had Joan illegally shunted? After a lot of musing, and a quick break for coffee, I ruled that she had.
Gary: Cardinals Drive.
Lynne: Friars Road, San Diego.
What a great use of the diagonal. All that listening to me has finally paid off. Well she looks like she is listening…
Craig: Alfred Lerner Way.
Being an e-mail game, we were not sure if Craig was getting help here – as this inspired move was very reminiscent of one I did myself in the epic 1999 Thanksgiving Game (the year the Browns new stadium opened) which lasted four and a half days.
Joan: Russell Street, Baltimore.
Inspired recovery – using the Russell Square tube station as the basis for the famed Gas Lighting Gambit.
Gary: Lombardi Avenue.
Lynne: Coliseum Way, Oakland.
Craig needs to be careful here…
Craig: FedEx Way.
There you go. Bet many of you saw that coming … straight into Spoon.
Joan: Titans Way.
Gary: Poydras Street, New Orleans.
Lynne: Georgia Dome Drive.
Craig: 11th Avenue South, Minneapolis.
A hometown move … was it a mistake?
Joan: Maddengton Crescent.
Yes.
A third consecutive victory for the ladies, which means they keep the Armitage Shanks Bowl permanently.
As is appropriate to the tradition of Mornington Crescent,
I will publish the rules next week.
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