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NOTES FROM A KEEPER
 The Upstanding Ups and Delinquent Downs of Life as a Keeper Leaguer
by Michael E Lawrence
6/11/2007
Where Guy Fawkes failed, the Holybourne Prophets succeeded yester eve.
Unlike Fawkes, 402 years ago to the day, the Prophets managed to blow an institution out of the water.
But we did not seek merely to smithereen the Houses of Parliament, no no. The institution the Prophets took down, for the first time in five painful years, was All The President’s Men, a storied, star studded and unyielding WRUKSCFFL mainstay. It is one thing to overthrow a monarchy, quite another to survive Braylon Edwards, Reggie Wayne and TJ Houshmandzadeh unscathed.
For his troubles, Fawkes was mercilessly tortured, and finally hanged. To this day we burn his effigy on bonfires across the land to remind usurpers just what the excruciating price of revolution can be.
Myself, I slept pretty bloody well last night.
***
Little Lee Evans is stoked.
He’s sucking on a Mini Milk and grinning from ear to ear, because he knows and I know he’s finally playing the way he’s supposed to.
I say, Lee, how come every year you do nothing until the eighth game and then you suddenly start scoring?
His eyes go big and he swings his legs back and forward excitedly, because they don’t reach the floor from the stool he’s perched on. He shrugs his shoulders with a big sugar-rush smile.
He gets awful shy.
But it’s absolutely true: in every single one of his NFL seasons he’s achieved next to nothing in the first half of the year (five touchdown catches total in games one to eight from 2004 to 2006) and then explodes after the halfway point (nineteen touchdown catches total in games nine to sixteen of those same three seasons).
2007 has been no different after 17 catches for 211 yard and zero scores in weeks one through seven, he now has 14 for 303 and two scores in the last two games.
And we’ll need him in the stretch run. At 5-4, with our byes finally out of the way, we’ll need to win maybe three of our last four regular season games to make sure of a post-season berth.
There are some big time opponents on deck, not least the Otley Cowboy Haters and the Hertfordshire Riflemen, two more bogey teams, but we have the firepower in starters Evans, Wes Welker, Steve Smith, Dallas Clark, LenDale, Marshawn, Kevin, Nick Folk and Romo.
And I have something up my sleeve.
Or rather, I have my sleeve, and the rest of the garment it’s attached to.
A year ago now, my brother gave me for my birthday an original Joe Namath 1970s tweed sports coat, and it’s this I’m modelling as I turn to Evans, and in the style of Joe Willie say:
Lee, I guarantee you we’re going to make it to the playoffs.
Stunned, Evans’s mouth drops open, and his half finished Mini Milk hits the floor. For a second, he doesn’t move.
Finally, he leaps up as intended.
Just make sure that’s all you drop for the rest of the year, I call after him as he scarpers off to tell the others.
Archive Articles:
Notes From A Keeper October 22nd A New Hope
Notes From A Keeper October 15th The Smurfs
Notes From A Keeper October 10th Potential
Notes From A Keeper September 30th Prophets vs Jets
Notes From A Keeper September 10th Season Opener
Notes From A Keeper September 1st QB or Not To QB
Notes From A Keeper August 10th Draft Day
Notes From A Keeper July 13th Draft Strategy
Notes From A Keeper June 17th Cutdown
Notes From A Keeper May 20th Off Season
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