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NOTES FROM A KEEPER
 The Ursula Andress Ups and Danny Devito Downs of Life as a Fantasy Keeper Leaguer
by Michael E Lawrence
10/10/2007
Potential Ronnie? POTENTIAL?! Let me tell you a thing or two about ‘potential’ shall I?!
It is halftime during Sunday’s 1PM ET games, and I am addressing the Holybourne Prophets.
That’s not true: I am screaming at the Holybourne Prophets. I am being sarcastic, I am being withering, bitter even, but above all, I am visibly furious.
Down 34-26 already, Ronnie Brown, admittedly a lone star on this day of under-production, has chimed in with the ostensibly helpful sentiment that our young team still has potential.
It is all I can do not to throttle him. That his neck is about 3 feet wide partly informs my decision not to do so. I might hurt my hand.
But here we are, engaged in battle with our arch rivals, our nemeses the unbeaten Reservoir Droogs, the WRUKSCFFL’s powerhouse of the moment.
Also, as it happens, my brother’s team.
Potential, Ronnie, is squat! It is nothing! It is yesterday’s news! There’s too many players in this locker room trading on potential.
I eyeball Lee Evans, Steve Smith, LenDale and the rest.
This league, this game, gentlemen, is about now! It’s about actually realising your potential! Do you hear me?!
I am met with silence, though someone, possibly Wes Welker, appears to be stifling sobs towards the back of the room.
The afternoon, moreover, will only unravel from here.
With star running backs Brian Westbrook and Rudi Johnson on byes, the Droogs have suited up former CFL-er Kenton Keith and future CFL-er Ron Dayne as starting running backs. It goes without saying they will go on to score three touchdowns between them, and leave us in an irretrievable 54-26 hole going into Monday.
The Droogs, such is their season, could suit up Curtis Martin right now and he’d muster enough cartilage for a couple of hundred yards and three scores.
There will be changes round here! I yell at the Prophets as they trot back out. Significant changes, I tell you!
Though frankly, I’m running low on ideas.
Maybe we’ll go with throwback uniforms next week.
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